Rents...

I recently read an article in Real Simple magazine that was written by a woman who grew up in foster care and she described her journey as a parent and how it was influenced by her own childhood. I found myself unable to stop reading, amazed by her self-awareness and determination to avoid repeating the past. Through her struggles she realized that the expectations she had of herself were too high.

While reading, I realized that maybe my expectations of myself were a little too high as well. I did not grow up in foster care and did not suffer from any abuse, thank God. While my parents did make their mistakes, I learned from most of them and suffered from few. I started to think about how easy it was for them to parent. There were no websites telling them how their child should be progressing, no "apps" for being a better mom. The only "apps" they were familiar with were the ones on the table when their friends showed up for happy hour. Friends whose kids were probably asleep at home, alone, blocks away. Their old-school pediatrician was their only source of direction, and based on what I know about my pediatrician, that direction couldn't guide them out of a wet paper bag.

As a new parent I found myself constantly being focused on not doing what my parents did and after a few years of parental experience, I realized something.
DUH.
Of course I'm not going to do what they did! As parents of young children, there was no need for them to save for college because it really wasn't necessary, there was no need to avoid over-stimulation because that term didn't exist, and the only risk of your child playing in the neighborhood alone was the creepy guy that lived next door that was later accused of being a molester. OK, in good conscience, I can't really let that one go. But overall, they did what they new how to do as parents, which was pretty much nothing. The direction they got from their parents was to put food on the table and force your kids to play outside as much as possible. That was it.

So, I've realized that all of my effort to parent in the opposite way that my parents did, needs to be re-focused. Our parents way of parenting was simple. Keep your kids alive and the rest was icing on the cake. And while I would like to greatly exceed those expectations as a mom, maybe keeping it simple is something that needs more focus. I want to make sure my kids laugh a lot every day. I want to hug and kiss them every chance I get. And I want to make sure they believe in themselves, whether they are opening a jar of peanut butter or doing ballet for the first time. I'm pretty sure if I can accomplish those things, then everything else, at least for now, will be icing on the cake.

Now, I'm sure that parenting professionals all over the country would scoff at my philosophy criticizing my lack of structure, lack of focus on intellectual development and lack of obsessing over when my children will be able to do calculus. But let's be honest, I'll be lucky if anyone at all reads this blog, let alone a parenting professional! So, for now, I'm going to stick with simple and look forward to spring when we can go outside and dig in the dirt and quietly thank my "rents" for teaching me how to do that.